Saturday, 30 July 2011

no more friends thanks

I have lost count of the number of 'friends'i have made in  the past three years.  Now that sounds rather lofty, so let me expand.
Obviously, in the spirit of this blog, I'm referring to the population of single men.
There are maybe a dozen of them that are part of my life on an ad hoc basis.  We met, we spent some time getting to know each other.  We became 'friends'.
A handful have become good friends.  Some I see often, others less so.  And I seem to meet more in this mold quite easily.
We get on so well, these men and I.  I think they like coming to my house, they get looked after, fed well, undivided attention for a few hours.  There are no demands placed on them.  Sure they don't get luck'y, but I get the feeling that none of them see me in that light either.  It's almost the perfect friendship.  An opportunity for emotional connection without commitment or promises', a few hours away from normal life, possibly a chance to pretend at happy families.  Or a chance to get away from theirs.
So why am I complaining?
Well, I'm not complaining.  But. And there's always a but...
You see, I don't really need any more friends.  I know I'm a unity addict, and I know I put a LOT of effort into the relationships I have, and the ones I want to grow.
But the time, my friends, has come.

If you're a man, and you''re coming to hang out with me ask yourself this -
are you doing it because I asked you to, and it seemed like a nice idea at the time?
are you doing it because you actually like spending time with me, but not in 'that'way?
do you like my life and enjoy it part time?
do you like me but the thought of my life fills you with dread?
do you actually want to try and puruse something a bit deeper than an erstwhile friendship but not sure if i'm just being friendly?

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. I love the guy friends I have.  Enjoy the company of all of them even though they are in not at all like the female friends I have .   It's a different dynamic and different conversation to that I have with the girls.

But I think I put in way more effort than most of them do.  I do the cooking, the nurturing, the provision of conversation and company.

I'm still not convinced that men and women actually can be friends, but I'll save that conversation for another post.

In the meantime, if I had the chance, this is what I'd tell the boys:

If you're not interested in ME, why do you keep coming back?
If you feel sorry for me, then bugger off.
If you just want to be my friend, then that has to be two ways.  How about you ask ME over to dinner sometime!
If you think there could be more to it, then for goodness sake tell me.
If you think there never will, then you better tell me that too.

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