I've said it before and I'll say it again...these are the things that are most important to me...
2011 turned out to be the year of working out what I wasn't as much as it was working what I was. I tried some new hobbies and interests - and discovered a passion or two. I met some awesome people, made new friends. Encountered some interesting men - one or two who left a few cuts and bruises, metaphorically speaking, on my heart - but no lasting damage. Had the sheer delight of a couple of wow moments.
And I am now in a place where, whilst I am quite content in my life, and would rather be single than in the wrong relationship, I would also like to be coupled. It's a strange thing because in practical terms I just can't see how I could blend my life with another. It'd be complicated and messy and I find myself worrying about that hypothetical relationship- which is mad, I know, but there it is. On the other hand, I like the idea of having someone to share stuff with. An adult to talk to at the end of the day, whether that be in person, where it can happen, or even by phone when it can't. Someone to celebrate and commiserate with.
I have met someone I would like to explore this with more. I'm worried about messing it up. After all I'm not exactly a star when it comes to recoupling! (great, something else to worry about:)). But there's no hurry. None at all.
In the meantime, I strive to show, and seek to find these things in each I meet: Kindness. Energy. Integrity.
Showing posts with label relationship ready. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship ready. Show all posts
a cynical look at 10 things you should have learned about relationships but if you're reading this you probably still haven't
1. We've got lots in common so that's a great start, right? Well yes, but I've got lots in common with my best friends husband too, doesn't mean we should have got together instead. Are the things in common hobbies, or core values?
2. He had sex with me, so he must really like me? Ah, no, that means he probably just really likes sex.
3. She was introduced to me by friends so I'm sure it's going to be great. What your point? Just because they like you, and they like her, doesn't mean you're good for each other
4. We don't have a whole lot in common, but there's amazing chemistry. And?
5. She ticks every box on my (''non existent'') checklist. Well except one little thing.... And what is that? If it's a deal breaker, what are you doing with her? If it's not, chuck out the list and count your blessings
6. She's got a bit of a rough relationship history but I'm prepared to take the risk. Why? What makes you think it will be different this time? It might be - but proceed with caution.
7. At the end of the day, there's pretty much no decent men out there in my age bracket so I need to just be happy with what I have. Yeah, great start....settling is doomed from day one. Let that guy in your age bracket go find someone who really wants him.
8. She's got some big issues, but she's in counselling so I think it will be fine. It's not like she needs rescuing or anything. Right...and you're not the rescuing type are you...
9. I feel sad for him - every other woman he's ever been with treated him really badly and he's been really wounded by it. So that's why he's a bit mistrustful of me. Is that so? And you know this how? Because he told you? If there was ever a red flag, this is it.
10. I know she's only just a couple of months out of a long term relationship but she's assured me she's done with the other guy, and really over him. Uhuh. If you're wanting a serious relationship, don't ever, ever, EVER be the transition guy. The likelihood of success is low. Unless you're wanting transition. Then at least you know it won't last long.
2. He had sex with me, so he must really like me? Ah, no, that means he probably just really likes sex.
3. She was introduced to me by friends so I'm sure it's going to be great. What your point? Just because they like you, and they like her, doesn't mean you're good for each other
4. We don't have a whole lot in common, but there's amazing chemistry. And?
5. She ticks every box on my (''non existent'') checklist. Well except one little thing.... And what is that? If it's a deal breaker, what are you doing with her? If it's not, chuck out the list and count your blessings
6. She's got a bit of a rough relationship history but I'm prepared to take the risk. Why? What makes you think it will be different this time? It might be - but proceed with caution.
7. At the end of the day, there's pretty much no decent men out there in my age bracket so I need to just be happy with what I have. Yeah, great start....settling is doomed from day one. Let that guy in your age bracket go find someone who really wants him.
8. She's got some big issues, but she's in counselling so I think it will be fine. It's not like she needs rescuing or anything. Right...and you're not the rescuing type are you...
9. I feel sad for him - every other woman he's ever been with treated him really badly and he's been really wounded by it. So that's why he's a bit mistrustful of me. Is that so? And you know this how? Because he told you? If there was ever a red flag, this is it.
10. I know she's only just a couple of months out of a long term relationship but she's assured me she's done with the other guy, and really over him. Uhuh. If you're wanting a serious relationship, don't ever, ever, EVER be the transition guy. The likelihood of success is low. Unless you're wanting transition. Then at least you know it won't last long.
I'm just not ready for a relationship
scenario 1:
A lovely friend of mine in his early 50's has recently become uncoupled. It was a newish, but seemingly solid relationship of a few months. They seems well suited, it appeared to be going well. Right up until the day she TEXTED him, post date, to say she just needed 'some time'. She wasn't sure. She had some things to figure out. She wasn't convinced she was actually wanting to commit to a relationship.
Being a good guy, he graciously gave her some time. She came back to him. She TEXTED again. No, it was over. Seriously? She texted a breakup? At 50, don't you think a bit more class might have been in order?
Scenario 2
Gay male friend this time. Meets a nice man. They become friends. It starts to feel like it might go somewhere. He can't decide. He hasn't been single that long from last demise. After some weeks he tells him (in much classier way - email this time...) that no, he is just not able to proceed. He's just not ready for a relationship.
He understands. It was early days. He was still in recovery mode.
Within 5 days he announces he is in a "committed relationship" and is quietly confident of it progressing.
Scenario 3
A woman. Sweet. She meets a sweet, fairly unworldy guy. Both late 30's, not wide-eyed teens. A friendship develops. It half progresses to relationship. and back. and forward. He can't decide. He's just not ready. At last he is. He tells her she's the one for him. 6 weeks later he mentions (via email...sheesh there's a theme here...) that he is going on a date that night. Just thought she should know.
I have run out of fingers, and toes, to count the number of people I know who have been given the i'm so sorry but i'm just not ready for a relationship line.
Come on people. Get honest. Sure the truth hurts. So does rejection. But retain a shred of dignity for you and the person you are lying to. and it is a lie. Because you know what you REALLY mean is:
Sorry but I'm not interested in a relationship with YOU.
And for goodness sake, do it in person will you?
A lovely friend of mine in his early 50's has recently become uncoupled. It was a newish, but seemingly solid relationship of a few months. They seems well suited, it appeared to be going well. Right up until the day she TEXTED him, post date, to say she just needed 'some time'. She wasn't sure. She had some things to figure out. She wasn't convinced she was actually wanting to commit to a relationship.
Being a good guy, he graciously gave her some time. She came back to him. She TEXTED again. No, it was over. Seriously? She texted a breakup? At 50, don't you think a bit more class might have been in order?
Scenario 2
Gay male friend this time. Meets a nice man. They become friends. It starts to feel like it might go somewhere. He can't decide. He hasn't been single that long from last demise. After some weeks he tells him (in much classier way - email this time...) that no, he is just not able to proceed. He's just not ready for a relationship.
He understands. It was early days. He was still in recovery mode.
Within 5 days he announces he is in a "committed relationship" and is quietly confident of it progressing.
Scenario 3
A woman. Sweet. She meets a sweet, fairly unworldy guy. Both late 30's, not wide-eyed teens. A friendship develops. It half progresses to relationship. and back. and forward. He can't decide. He's just not ready. At last he is. He tells her she's the one for him. 6 weeks later he mentions (via email...sheesh there's a theme here...) that he is going on a date that night. Just thought she should know.
I have run out of fingers, and toes, to count the number of people I know who have been given the i'm so sorry but i'm just not ready for a relationship line.
Come on people. Get honest. Sure the truth hurts. So does rejection. But retain a shred of dignity for you and the person you are lying to. and it is a lie. Because you know what you REALLY mean is:
Sorry but I'm not interested in a relationship with YOU.
And for goodness sake, do it in person will you?
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