Thursday, 1 September 2011

I'm just not ready for a relationship

scenario 1:
A lovely friend of mine in his early 50's has recently become uncoupled.  It was a newish, but seemingly solid relationship of a few months.  They seems well suited, it appeared to be going well. Right up until the day she TEXTED him, post date, to say she just needed 'some time'.  She wasn't sure.  She had some things to figure out.  She wasn't convinced she was actually wanting to commit to a relationship.

Being a good guy, he  graciously gave her some time.  She came back to him.  She TEXTED again.  No, it was over.  Seriously?  She texted a breakup? At 50, don't you think a bit more class might have been in order?

Scenario 2
Gay male friend this time.  Meets a nice man.  They become friends.  It starts to feel like it might go somewhere.  He can't decide.  He hasn't been single that long from last demise.  After some weeks he tells him (in much classier way - email this time...) that no, he is just not able to proceed.  He's just not ready for a relationship.

He understands.  It was early days.  He was still in recovery mode.

Within 5 days he announces he is in a "committed relationship" and is quietly confident of it progressing.

Scenario 3
A woman.  Sweet. She meets a sweet, fairly unworldy guy. Both late 30's, not wide-eyed teens.  A friendship develops.  It half progresses to relationship. and back. and forward.  He can't decide.  He's just not ready.  At last he is.  He tells her she's the one for him.  6 weeks later he mentions (via email...sheesh there's a theme here...) that he is going on a date that night.  Just thought she should know.

I have run out of fingers, and toes, to count the number of people I know who have been given the i'm so sorry but i'm just not ready for a relationship line.

Come on people.  Get honest.  Sure the truth hurts.  So does rejection.  But retain a shred of dignity for you and the person you are lying to.  and it is a lie.  Because you know what you REALLY mean is:

Sorry but I'm not interested in a relationship with YOU.

And for goodness sake, do it in person will you?

1 comment:

  1. Being dumped sucks..none of us like it.
    Ok occasionally it might be a relief, because you didnt want to be the one to do it..
    I know of several men who beat around the bush, and I admit I have done so as well at times, but....sometimes the expected reaction is the motivator, the the cut and run option becomes attractive..
    BTW I dont think this is gender specific.