Tuesday, 19 June 2012

is making it work hard work?

I think everyone would agree that it takes effort to keep a relationship strong and healthy.  And probably we would also mostly agree that this has to be reciprocal - the minute it's one person doing all the ''work'', then it's probably time to accept that relationship is over.

But I have to ask the question...should it really be so hard?  Should relationships be that much work?

I understand as much as anyone that there are days when we don't want to make an effort.  There are days when we don't even like our partners very much.  But surely, underpinning this, in any good relationship, is love?  And I really don't think that love should be hard work.  To me it's simple, you either love someone (or want to if you're not there yet), or you don't (or you don't want to).  Yes one could argue that love is a choice.  I get that.  But I still think it's the choice we want to make.  And it's when, actually, if we're honest, we don't want to make the choice, that the reality is there is, perhaps, no love there.

And ergo, no likelihood of a good and healthy relationship.

So when I hear people saying ''we're trying to make it work'' (and I  can include myself in this group at various stages of my life), I now ask the question - why's that then?  Surely, if it's such an effort to make something work - and time after time you keep hitting roadblocks, maybe it's reached a stage where it's time to say ''this isn't working''.

You see I think that while relationships do, and should, take work to keep them alive, love shouldn't.  And I'd also qualify that with the word ''hard''.  I really don't think it should be hard.  Challenging, tiring, occasionally disheartening yes.  But overall, surely, surely, being with the person you want to grow old with - loving each other - should be the easiest thing ever?

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