Thursday, 24 January 2013

relationship advice you already know but need reminding of

Considering the disastrous  eventful few years I've just had, you would probably be quite right in saying that I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice.  But, based on the fact that prior to aforementioned eventfulness I managed a 16 year relationship, and have now started the  re partnering process (successfully thus far;)), I have decided to share some of the gems of knowledge learned through experience - both mine and others - in vain hope that someone, somewhere, might gain from it.

I thereby present:
10 things I wish I knew about relationships then, but do now

1. It's only a phase if you can see an end in sight - and if you can't,  you are taking steps to change something. The same goes for ''rough patches'' and ''ups and downs'' .  If you do nothing the phase will become a habit and that, my friend, will be the end of your relationship
2. There's no such thing as one person being unhappy in a relationship.  Whether they or you admit it, if one person is unhappy it's about 99% likely so is the other one
3. If something is really troubling you in your relationship, you HAVE to address it, talk about it, discuss it.  No ifs, no buts.  This is not about compromise or being accommodating. This is about actually 'fessing up about something you're unhappy with
4. Actually your friends and family do have a fair idea of how ''things are going'' for you, so be under no illusions that you're keeping up a happy face even if you're miserable.
5. If you believe your (healthy)  relationship is truly worth fighting for then do everything in your power to keep it.  Everything. Move towns, change jobs, whatever. Nothing is more important.
6. Pay attention to amber lights.  Pay extra attention to red lights. Every time.
7. If you feel like a relationship isn't progressing because the other person ''isn't that into you'' (be honest here), then run/walk/limp away and maintain your dignity.  If someone wants you, you'll know
8. You are always worth it.
9. Privacy is good. Discernment is fine. Secrecy is not.  If you are a secret, or you are keeping a secret, then your relationship is not real.
10. Listen to your instincts. Every time.  Every single time.

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