Wednesday, 22 May 2013

the lure of freedom

Ah singledom you're a slippery slope alright.

Had cause to have a discussion with a long singled friend recently who has got right in the swing of ''what you  like when you like''.  No partner asking when you're home for dinner. No kids demanding attention at 5 pm. Weekends are long and uneventful, or busy and exciting, depending on...well nothing really.  Money - all for one.  Fridge contents - whatever the heck I want, thank you very much!

I wonder if the novelty ever wears off.  Does it get more difficult to compromise for a significant other, the longer you don't have one?  Does the ability to share eventually disappear?

I am the first to admit that it is, on one horribly selfish level, sometimes easier to live alone.  (Or with children as I do).  There isn't someone to have to share decisions with, negotiate chores with, or cook for.  On the other hand, there's no one to share decisions with, negotiate chores with, or cook for. I've got in the groove of it (5 years now) but it life still feels a bit off-balance.  Even doing it part time is not the same as a permanent in my house partner.

I'm under no illusions, should and when the time comes, there's adjusting to do.  I'm a little scared of it, but mostly see it as exciting and forward thinking.  Ultimately, I'm with my original statement from one of my very first posts - that we human doings are not designed to be alone.

So how about the person who is? Is singledom, for some, a conscious choice, a move toward the act of total non-compromise? Does it become more, or less, attractive, the longer you are in it?

Your thoughts?

2 comments:

  1. Thank you, susan, for leaving a comment on my blog today. I always visit the blogs of my readers who have blogs, so here I am. I see that you do not blog extremely often, but that you do blog extremely well. My compliments, with the sole criticism that I have been scarred forever by that very comprehensive Terms of Endearment list. I also see that you are more a wordsmith than an inserter of photographs, and my hat is off to you a second time.

    Now to respond to -- I do not say answer -- your question. As of three days before the date of your post, I had been marrried to Mrs. RWP for fifty years -- Selah (Pause and let that sink in) -- so I am extremely unqualified to leave a response. Being me, however, I will anyway. I do agree that human beings are not designed to be alone. But there can be such a thing as too much togetherness too. I have learned the secrets -- there are two -- to a long marriage. They're very simple. Don't die and don't leave. But a happy relationship, now that takes a great deal of work, and even for the best of couples it sometimes doesn't feel worth it. The key, I think, is this: Always be open to compromise with others, but never compromise with yourself. I'm not sure I even know what that means, except that you must remain true to who you are in the very core of your being. Some things are just too precious and life is too short to do otherwise. Your friends will understand, and the ones who don't are not your friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 50 years makes you more than qualified! thanks for stopping by:)

      Delete