single parent anxiety

I've had some changes in my parenting in the last few weeks.

As a result of working too many hours, and being way too preoccupied with my job (hm mm was it an attempt to subconsciously escape my home life...a topic for another blog), I turned into psychomummy and I'm ashamed to admit it.  Way too much shushing, way to much 'soon'ing and WAY too much yelling.

So I changed things.  I chose to go into my office rather than work from home. I have done my best to keep away from my computer and phone when I'm in the company of the children (OK it's a process, I'm not perfect).  As a result we have eaten better, played more games, and there's been a whole lot let stress in the house.

It takes effort - I have to say I'm not always super excited about hearing the long convoluted stories of school lunch time goings on, or even longer versions of a dream from the night before - but the upside has been that I feel way more in control of my parenting.  I don't feel the need to escape parenting the same and I'm not sure why.  Maybe because I've made the effort to stay in the moment with the children, and maybe because with every passing day I see the benefit.

There's just one downside so far.  I spend WAY more time worrying about the children.  Stressing about what will happen in their lives, and mine, as they get older.  I'm aware of the older one approaching tween age.  The younger one no longer a baby (hardly, he's 7 but mothers will get what I mean).  I wonder...what was I thinking, that I could successfully navigate two other people to adulthood with minimum stress and damage! What lies ahead!?!  Yes, too much time worrying.  But they are worries that I had until now managed to squash to the back of my mind.  I guess all I can do is go one day at a time.  Being called into the teachers office for her to tell me of ''age inappropriate behaviour'' for the second time this year didn't help.  Argh, what is ahead alright!?!

I addressed the issue, calmly. Firmly.  Kept my phone in my pocket and the computer turned off. I think we've dealt with it. This time anyway

Anyway, back to the stressing. And shouting.  I confess, I've been a shouty mother.  But I haven't shouted for 14 days. A record. And I have been keeping notes.

 I asked one of the kids about it yesterday - and got a blank look.  Were things better around here? Um haven't noticed.  Am I calmer and making a happier feeling house? Erm. Not sure.Oh well, they may not notice, but I have.