Tuesday, 26 July 2011

The C-word

Over the past few years, I have met an extraordinary group of people, none of whom would have probably ever crossed my path if I was still married.
They have a lot of things in common, although few know each other.
Most are in their early 40s, or there abouts.
Most have recently come out of a long term relationship.
Many have children.  Some do not.
Most are articulate, well read, well travelled, balanced human beings.
Most believe that human beings are not destined to be alone, and are therefore open, often enthusiastic, about meeting new people, and hopefully, that one special one.
Most, carry some scars, some deeper than others, made by the other broken relationships and dreams they have had in the past.
Some are healed. Some are not.  Some are healing.  Some are still breaking.

Sticking with generalisations here, for the most part, the women are excited about the prospect of meeting a new partner, but are terrified of making another mistake.  they don't trust their own judgement.
the women know they are a package deal if they have children (dress it up however you like, but if it smells like a rat and looks like a rat....).  They know this is scary for the boys.  They wish, at some level, it wasn't this way.  But also know that it's the truth, and no matter how many nights they manage to organise a childfree outing, a lazy sleep-in or even a weekend away, eventually the two lives are going to collide, and spectacularly.

And, generally, the men are looking at all those gorgeous girls that are 10 years younger than them and deciding that the younger models are where it's at.  they don't have kids (and therefore commitments). They don't have kids (and therefore stretchmarks). Oh, and they don't have kids (and therefore a pesky ex).
The men are saying they want to fall in love.  But they also know that this could mean sex with the same woman for the rest of their lives, and no one else.  They say they like the idea of having a place to call home, but they also know that this might just mean the end of a life they are actually starting to rather enjoy.
Hmm, I think that's called a fear of commitment.

It's a wonder any of us ever get into relationships again.

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