Saturday, 10 September 2011

It's a conundrum alright!

I had a really interesting conversation this week with another uncoupled friend.   He too is thinking about the ups and downs of the single life, like how to muster the effort required to meet new people versus the apparent ease of just accepting singleness.

I was once told that I appeared to be someone who wanted a boyfriend not a partner.  I think what that person meant was that I wasn't prepared to commit EVERYTHING to a relationship.  At that time it probably had more to do with that particular relationship than my state of intention, but in reflection I can see some truth in that.

And whilst I'm not in favour of the FWB idea, let alone the FB one (look it up...), I can see an appeal in the part time relationship  - does that means girlfriend/boyfriend? -too.  I suspect that the longer one remains single the harder it becomes to want to compromise that independence.  And also the harder it becomes to blend two lives - especially if there are children, or different locations, or no major overlap of friends and interests.  

I really can't decide which option has the most - or least - appeal.  To be coupled, to have a special person to share life with or to be single and get to enjoy the privilege (and I want to frame it like that) of being wholly responsible and accountable to just myself.  To know that I might not have to have another ''sunday bloody sunday'' versus having each child free weekend stretching deliciously empty and full of promise ahead of me.

Maybe if i met the "right"person none of this would matter?  Possibly not.  But I am also realistic enough to know that I should not have to compromise the things that I don't want to compromise, any more than any potential partner should have to.

1 comment:

  1. I recently was accused of only wanting a weekend lover. The euphoric honeymoon weekends
    The reality is than despite my longing to be with someone really special, right now it just isnt practical. The blending of families is a huge task emotionally not to mention the practicalities.

    I have watched couples doing all manner of relationships, some living apart, some together but living their own lives, enjoying the benefits of sharing a home/bed, but not putting any more demands on the relationship beyond that.
    The conundrum of comfortable committed bliss versus freedom is a difficult one. Many are burned by recent relationship failures, and that of course makes it harder to get enthused about it all again.

    We are all human, and have a desire to be wanted, to be with someone, but the years of single parenting make it all the more difficult. It seems like a sentence at times, but at least it is not a life sentence, it is just a 'for a while ' sentence.

    So back to the weekend lover, yes, it seems she was right, that is all I can hope to fit in, unless she lives really close, such is life right now..