So it seems that everyone I talk to has a list. Some are vague, more of an idea of ideals, others are specific (hair colour? really...control issues;)).
But to have some bottom lines, that's important I reckon.
Most of the uncoupled people I know say that in retrospect they can see that in compromising a deal breaker, they knew they were risking the success of their relationship. Usually related to a core value than a personal preference, it must be said.
They compromised on having children, not having children. On religious and spiritual issues. On matters financial (more about that in a previous blog). The big life issues that need to be negotiated and approached with mutual agreeance.
One could argue that opposites attract and that some conflict and disagreement is healthy - and whilst I can agree with this to a point, I think when it comes to the really 'big questions'' of life, it's probably wise to be at least on the same page as your potential partner. Relationships, are tricky enough to negotiate without throwing life sized obstacles in the path right at the start.
I guess if I'm honest I have a bit of both. A few ideals, one or two deal breakers, and a loose list of preferables. There are a few things I don't want to compromise, and some I'm open to discussions on.
What are your deal breakers? Have you ever compromised one? what happened?
Children is the one issue that there needs to be agreement on. You can live half way between the ocean and the countryside. You can alternate holiday choices. You can not have half a child.
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