Friday, 30 December 2011

saying what everyone else is thinking

No matter how good my life is...no matter how many friends, or how many hobbies I have, how good my job/career/course of study is.
No matter how nice my house is. No matter how fit I am. How much money is in the Bank. How well stocked the pantry is.  How beautiful the view.
No matter how in touch I am with God.  My mother,  my kids.
No matter how fulfilled I feel.  How happy.  How content.
No matter that maybe sometimes I actually function better on my own - because I can convince myself I don't have the time to nurture a relationship.
When the exciting cusp of something new turns out to be  more like the edge of a precipice...When I feel like hopeful just became hopeless...It sucks being just me...especially on New Years Eve.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

The year of the apple

Unashamedly borrowed (and slightly adapted)  from another smart woman...
May 2012 be your year of the apple....


                       Lady''s are like apples
                 on trees... The best ones are
              at the top of the tree.  Some men 
           dont want to reach up too high for the 
        good ones -  because they are afraid of falling 
   and getting hurt.  So,  they just pick the rotten apples
 from the ground that are easy,  but nowhere as good. So 
  the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, 
     when in reality,  they're  amazing.   They just have to 
         wait for the right man to come along,  the one 
              who's  brave enough  to climb all the way
                                       to the 
                                         top
                                         of
                                        the 
                                       tree

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

dating coaches and other people with terrible advice

I got sent a link for the blog of an American dating coach.  He writes a blog, runs a forum - oh and does private coaching for (mainly) successful smart attractive women who can't seem to attract men.

It was kind of interesting.  some of what he said made a lot of sense.  But there was also, as one might expect, a lot of contradictions, and a fair number of generalisations.  Like what ''all men'' thought.  Like how ''all women'' respond to certain statements or behaviours.

It is true to do you think?  Are all women passive aggressive...needy...demanding?  Are all men misunderstood hunters who no longer know how to act around women?  Is it really true that all men will choose friends-with-benefits if they are offered it, and all women will offer it, thinking its a pathway to a real relationship?

Yes, some women can be a bit scary - come across as needy even, especially when they're trying to be honest about how they are feeling.  And yes, I think maybe men are supposed to be the ones wearing the trousers, and many probably would take what was on offer if they thought it came without strings.  But isn't that just the simple reality of being a human being in this crazy mixed up post-30 dating world?

Talk about depressing reading!  What happened to two people meetings, liking each other, and then deciding to move toward a relationship?  Taking a bit of a risk, but doing it with eyes wide open, and slow steady breathing? That sounds a whole lot simpler to me.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

just like riding a bike

Two cyclists decide to take a road trip together.  They think they've got the right gear, a fairly good idea of their direction, if not their destination, and though they've not cycled together a lot before, have enough experience to consider undertaking the journey.

They start off and the road is easy.   The scenery is great, people smile and wave along the way.  They feel fit, energised, hydrated.  They chat a bit, enjoy each others company, travel side by side.

A bit further on, they come across some roadworks.  It's tricky, and they discover that they need to carefully negotiate the bumps in the road.  The road gets steep, and narrow in places too, and they find that travelling side by side is not always ideal.  They keep banging into each other.

At times, one surges ahead, full of energy, the other lagging behind, not as confident but trying to keep up.  At times they become disheartened, with the journey, with each other.

Occasionally, they come to a fork in the road.  One wants to go in one direction, one in the other.  Theres disagreement.  Negotiation.  One compromises.  They go a little further.

Finally the road starts to get a little easier.  The difficult bits become a little easier to manage, partly because the destination'seems closer, partly because they've covered that kind of ground before.

They realise sometimes it is better to follow each other, sometimes good to travel exactly side by side.
Sometimes its hot sweaty work and they want to stop.  Sometimes they slow down, take breaks together and just breathe in the air around them.  Sometimes they want to give up, but then appreciate that their journey is going to take perseverence and stamina.  That despite the unexpected lumps and bumps, it is still a wonderful experience.

They encourage each other in the tough bits, cheer each other on in the smooth.  Áfter a while they find a steady rhythm, start to be able to coast at times and enjoy the scenery again.  Now they know better how to manage the bumpy bits.  They make allowances when one, or both get tired, or slip in loose gravel.
People see them pass, can see how hard it's been, cheer them on.  Offer encouragement, but ultimately leave them to their journey.
 
It is their journey, rough and smooth.

What counted was they did it, and no matter how hard it got, planned to reach the finish line.  Together.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

human doing, human feeling, human being

I reached the milestone of 1000 blog views this week...without even realising it - because after six months of frequent and regular blogging I have  had - in case you hadn't noticed! -  a bit of a break.

Life has been exceptionally busy over the past month, on all fronts, and blogging just didn't register on the bell curve of important/urgent.  But now I'm back, a little worse for wear, but back none the less.

As well as the usual end of term/end of year/start of job madness I helped a friend through a messy and painful breakup, and saw that same friend re partner and  get on even keel again.  I commiserated, sympathised, celebrated...even felt a little grief for myself in there (yeah it's selfish but hey I'm allowed...).  I listened to another deliberate on the pros and cons of a 'second go'.  I cried with another as she faced up to a painful ending.

And in the midst and on the edges of this mad month, I had a kind of ''four seasons in one day'' experience of my own.  I am still sad and a bit confused about just what happened...what worked and what didn't, and why it isn't still working...but the benefit of being frantically busy is keeping my mind occupied.  I know that it's a luxury - one day, very soon I will have to process the mess of feelings that are currently whipping around inside my head.