Friday, 30 March 2012

friends and lovers

My wise friend, whom I often quote on this blog, once told me that in his search for his ideal partner, he was looking for a friend and a lover.  At the time it made no sense to me.  I mean, what about a real relationship?  Wasn't that the ideal, the thing we all should be looking for?

At the time I was looking at this from the romantic feminised version of ''falling in love''.  The quickened heartbeat would be first, I'd be charmed, he'd be charmed.  We'd discover in time that there were things we both enjoyed and shared.  We'd agree to being exclusive.  Over time we might become each others closest friend.  There's be a spiritual depth.   There'd be sparks, and later, fireworks.  The idea that one could genuinely like someone as a friend, AND want them as a lover was a foreign concept to me.

How times have changed.  Some years down the track I get (still in a romantic feminised sense) what he meant.  Where once I might have said that a friendship can have the potential to grow into more (yeah for women maybe but highly unlikely for a man), and that it was impossible to have a physical relationship with someone I wasn't in love with, I now find myself agreeing with him.

Now the ideal for me would be to be with someone whom I truly admire as a person, who's company I delight in, who shares some interests and matches my energy levels - that's the friend bit.  But whom I also fancy to bits, and he, I.  Who as well as enjoying my company fully dressed and in the garden, wants the secrets and intimacies only lovers share.  I'm also thinking its probably going to take a whole lot longer - and a whole lot more discernment - to find that, compared to having a crush, falling in love, and hoping the rest will fall in to place. 

What would you think if I told you I've always wanted to hold you?
I don't know what we're afraid of Nothing would change if we made love

So I'll be your friend And I'll be your lover Cause, I know in our hearts we agree
We don't have to be one or the other, Oh no We could be both to each other

Yes, it's a chance that we're taking And some body's heart may be breaking
But we can't stop what's inside us Our love for each other will guide us

I've been through you And you've been through me Sometimes a friend is the hardest to see
We always know when it's laid on the line Nobody else is as easy to find

So I'll be your friend And I'll be your lover Cause, I know in our hearts we agree
We don't have to be one or the other Oh no, we could be both to each other

Yes it's a terribly cheesy song from an American soap - I get that.  But is it true and is it possible?

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