Wednesday, 28 March 2012

sad sacks

Like all - well, most - of the single people I know, there are days when I just feel like stamping my foot and saying ITS NOT FAIR!

Not because I feel like I'm missing out on a vital part of life (although some bits are turning out to be more vital that others...), not because I'm feeling like the odd one out (single in a coupled world) but simply because sometimes, well...sometimes I just want to be part of a unit.  The romantic me wants to know that there's someone out there thinking about me, and planning the next time they will see me/phone me/message me.  To feel like I am significant to another in a way that only belongs in a real grown up coupled-up relationship.  To feel like I am on the cusp of something exciting, even if it might turn out to be a false alarm.

I have days when I am just completely over the gentle rebuffs, the being let down gently, the desert that is the single life.  I feel grumpy that this is not the life I signed up for, it's not how I wanted it to turn out, and I am, frankly, simply too old for all this Sh#*.  I'm done with complications, reservations, bad timing, personality mismatches, temperament clashes, geographical challenges and lifestyle incompatibilities.   Different goals, different expectations, unsatisfactory outcomes.

And that feeling gets amplified when there's a glimmer on the horizon that seems to be a fast receding  riderless horse not a knight galloping toward me, joust in hand.  If life really is a chicken ladder (short and shitty) as was described to me recently, then I don't want to be a chicken any more!

 Most of the time I'm pretty okay with my currently uncoupled state.   Relationship status is really only a very small part of who I am and I don't need to be part of a couple to prove my identity.   Even though I am (to use the words of a friend) ''good to go'' my life is busy and satisfying and I don't need a significant other to make it complete.  I go through life feeling satisfied, content, occasionally on the brink of excitement, and generally very happy with my lot.

Just happens, today is not one of those days.

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