Tuesday, 24 April 2012

BFFs

It's just about a given that when a couple parts ways, one of them will suggest ''we can still be friends''.
It's also pretty common when one is not keen on the other ''in that way'' in a dating situation that they'll suggest ''friends though please (because I think you're terrific....).

I'm feeling curious about this today.  I mean, why? Why would you want to be friends with someone you have no romantic interest in?  Especially  knowing that they might not feel the same way?  Take out of this equation the friendships where there has been no likelihood or interest in romantic entanglement by either party - from this platform there is no doubt some fantastic friendships can evolve without that extra ''chemistry'' thing going on in the background.

I understand and certainly appreciate the value of friendship between men and women, and I do think it is possible, even desirable to have friends like this.  But my hard earned experience tells me that those friendships don't usually survive the coupling of one of the parties.  And neither should it.  A guy does not need a ''friend'' quite the same when he has a partner.  And a girl is probably going to be a bit uncomfortable about spending time with a single male friend if she's in a relationship.

The first scenario - being friends post relationship - I have blogged about before.  I think its possible, but I'm still not convinced it's desirable or necessary.

The second - myself, and other female friends have been in this one SO many times.  I've made some awesome male friends as a result too.  But sadly, for the most part, once those guys get into a relationship, their friendship with ''the woman friend'' tends to go on the back burner.  I know that's the logical path, but it's left me thinking - do I want anymore friends as ''substitute girlfriend'' status?.

Women don't get off Scot free in this either.  Plenty of them have guy-friends that certainly with some encouragement would step into boyfriend mode, but there is no desire for this on behalf of the girl - they just ''like their company''.

Is there a real opportunity for singles to get to know each other at a deeper level without the complications of sex (but with the possibility as a backdrop)

Is this fair?  Does it matter as long as everyone is clear? Is friendship second best? Do we sometimes  agree to friendship in the hope the other will change there mind?

As long as we all are on the same page, then I think there's great potential for good mateship and company here.  Sometimes it might progress to more, but the key I think, is to believe that it probably won't.  And know that once someone comes along who IS the whole package, your ''friend'' may just disappear of your radar.

ah yes best friends for ever.  now.....

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