Friday, 27 April 2012

running on empty

I like to think of myself as a pretty positive kind of person.

I get a huge buzz out of helping other people.  I'm way more into giving and receiving and generally I'm not too worried about the payback.  My couch has become one of those places people come and sit, and talk and I like it like that.

I acknowledge that it's bleeping hard being a single parent, but on the whole I think I do an okay job of it (although some days I shout way too much....).  I have awesome friends, a great job, a number of hobbies and things that keep me busy.  I earn enough money to have a nice house and eat well and all that other stuff.

You could say in fact, that most of the time, rather than feeling the glass is half full, I usually feel that my cup runneth over.

But occasionally there's a down day.  And lately I feel like I've had more than one, and so I've been trying to figure out what's going on to make me feel like this.  Is it the weather?  Hardly - it's the best autumn in years.  Working too hard - nah, for all I'm busy, it's great fun and hardly high stress.  Not enough sleep - well that's a given for me.   Not fit - unlikely when I walk, cycle or dance most days.   A spiritual thing - no I don't think this is it either.  Feeling flat from (another) dashed opportunity - yes maybe a little.

It's actually that I feel like the ''emotional tank'' within is running a bit low.  The caring enthusiasm and kindness of friends, the love of my children, warm fuzzies from workmates and clients - these things are awesome and of course keep filling the tank.   But right now I'm having a moment of feeling it needs a top up.  And I'm at a loss to work out how to do it.  Because I'm beginning to realise, and coming to accept that this top-up probably needs to come from a significant other.

When you're running on empty, what do you do?  Is this the domain of the single or does everyone have moments like these?

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