Saturday, 12 May 2012

bad boys and good girls

There's a pretty common understanding in singledom that nice girls (in fact most girls) are hopelessly attracted to bad boys.

The nice girls can't really explain it - it's something to do with their danger I guess.  Maybe the good girls think they can be nice enough to reform a baddie? Maybe the ratbag represents a life that the good girl would never really want but dream of experiencing?

How about this then:  Bad boys also prefer good girls.  This was told to me by one of the bad boys I had the misfortune to date for a while (yep I'm in the nice girl category).  He couldn't explain it really, just said that the lure of someone sweet, or conservative - or however you want to put it - was as strong for him as he imagined the totally crushes the conservative girls have on people like him.

We all know what a bad boy actually is - he's emotionally unavailable, very often has terrible credit, a potted job history and isn't good at developing relationships.   Moreover he can be charming in the extreme, generous with words (usually not with money because mostly he is happy to let you pay), seemingly open about his checkered past, and within a short time treats the women he is with like muck.

The nice guy complains that women are never interested in him, that he is obviously ''too nice'', which equals boring, unchallenging, conservative and therefore unappealing to women.  He has a good job, is nice to his mother, contributes to a retirement plan, and is great with other peoples kids.

The bad girl is perceived to be flighty, irresponsible,  have questionable morality, a bit of a potty mouth and possibly ''use'' men. The nice girl will be your friend no matter what, she values her friends as much as her boyfriend, is conservative in dress, works hard, and probably doesn't use many swear words.

So working on the theory that the bad boys are BAD - and that doesn't necessarily mean they ride a Harley, have a beatnik goatee, a history of drug taking or work as a panel beater - where does that leave the nice guys? - or the bad girls for that matter!

The bad boys like the good girls because they are not like them.  They'll put up with the rubbish the bad boy hands out in the name of kindness.   The nice guys are tempted by the bad girls because they too represent an element of danger.

I'm beginning to wonder if there's some value in taking the best of both.   Us nice girls could learn from the tougher ones.  And the bad boys could pick up a tip or two from the nice guys.   Maybe if the nice girl got a bit tougher (actually no, I'm not going to put up with any more of that Sh*t), and the nice guy got a bit braver (actually no, I'm not going to put up with any more of that Sh*t) they might work out quite well together.  '

what do you think? Are you a 'goodie'' who has always gone for the dangerous types? Or are you one of the nice ones who feels you can never get a date?  Or something else entirely?


  1. I'll respond here, rather than on Evan's blog.

    I would say that a man doesn't isn't "bad" just because he asks for a woman's phone number within an hour of meeting her. Similarly, a woman isn't "bad" just because she doesn't let someone use her as a doormat. So in that regard, I agree with your second-to-last paragraph.

    Overall, you may want to rethink your definitions of "good" and "bad". A man with a good job and retirement plan is not necessarily "good". He's financially stable. He could be a financially stable womanizer. Financial stability is generally a desirable quality in a spouse, but that's a separate consideration.

    If a woman wears risqué clothing, swears occasionally, and has some one-night stands, that doesn't make her a "bad" person. And if she knows how to behave appropriately to the situation, she's not even a source of embarassment.

    Is someone kind? Do they treat others with respect? Are they trustworthy? I'd say that's what makes someone "good" or "bad". (And if you're going so far as to be someone's friend no matter what, you're in danger of going clear past "kind" and into "doormat" territory.)

    Whether you're defining yourself or someone else, that's probably a useful way to define "good" and "bad".

    And thanks for the compliment on the WCS. It's nice to hear that from a fellow dancer.

    1. yes i agree completely with your good/bad definitions.
      I would argue that those qualities show themselves very early too, regardless of the outward trappings of wealth, short skirts whatever.
      It's our job to be discerning and decide what's important (or not)