the chuck-it list

OK, confession time. Yours not mine. Obviously.

I can't speak for the men who read this, but certainly most of the women I know - in real life and in cyber space - have a list. They don't necessarily broadcast it, publish it or even admit to it, but it's there none the less. The list sometimes includes deal-breakers (eg smoking, drugs, credit rating) but usually is more of a wish list - a projected view of what Mr Perfect might look like. And it's pretty predictable. Tall, smart, successful. Financially stable. Good career. Nice friends. Stylish. Urbane. Funny. Fit and healthy. Yada yada yada.

Actually all good qualities, and certainly the kind of things that would be attractive in any one. I'm not sure that it's possible to get all that on the one skeleton but I sure know plenty of people who are hopeful!

But this week it was my turn to be asked about lists. A personal question. What was on mine?

I really had to think about it. It's easy to have those things up there trip off the tongue. But actually, most of it is just real estate. Yes there's some deal breakers. . Smoking. Gambling. A really bad credit history. Those kind of things that are mostly about self preservation.

But as for a wishlist. That's tough! I'm more interested in the stuff that's happening on the inside. Does this person treat others well? Do they have a social conscience? Do they honour those around them? Do they honor themselves?

Those things are going to last a whole lot longer than a sparkling career or even a great social circle. Sure it's great to meet someone who already has an established social circle, or interesting pursuits. Or a great car;).

But what really counts, for me anyway, is personal qualities. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Kindness. Energy. Integrity.

Do you have a wishlist? Is it really detailed or more general? Does it include some deal breakers and maybe some must haves?  What if you met someone who compromised it or challenged it? So what?

Perhaps the bucket list needs to go. Far far away. Chuck it. And let your good sense guide you instead.

Your thoughts?