Saturday, 17 September 2011

find just one single benefit

"The autonomy of singledom is attractive, or is that just what we tell ourselves to make it more bearable?"
So started the response to a previous post I made.  Which got me to it true?

I'm not sure that I would go so far to say that being single is unbearable.  But I do think that there are times when it can begin to feel that way.  It's really easy to wax lyrical about the sad side effects of being single and even easier to get quite proficient at rattling off a list of all the wonderful benefits...

- there's no one to answer to
- my money is my own
- my space is my own
- my decisions are my own
- I can parent as I choose
- I can live where i want     etc . etc. etc.

But, following the theory that says "more than one reason is simply self-justification for a decision"(actually that's my theory but doesn't it sound great!) is beginning to sound blatently obvious to me that if we were really truly really happy about being single we wouldn't be trotting out 101 reasons why it's so fabulous, we'd just be getting on with it.

Probably not a whole lot different to the miserably-coupled who spend all their energy on justifying why they stay in a crap relationship.

Today, as I sent out invitations to a circle of friends, to arrange a grown-ups only dinner party, I realised that it was looking like being all couples. And me.  At these moments being the single one is bearable, but only just.  And frankly, I'll be seriously considering finding a date for  the night as 11 people at a dinner party just isn't right.  I've done the Bridget Jones thing before and it ain't pretty!  None of friends give a hoot, it's me that doesn't want to be the only single in that particular couples world  It's like a patent reminder of what might have been.  Ick.

Overall though, I think when you're content, truly content, with your state - be it singled, coupled, half way there, half way back...then you can just live in that and enjoy it, without having to continue to make lists of all the reasons why it is (or isn't) such a great place to be.

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