Sunday, 29 January 2012

A new way of normal

None of us sign up for a break up.  Most of us enter into a relationship with an expectation of success - even when it's surround by red flags.  Those with children certainly never expect to be raising them on their own - even if there is a supportive ex spouse co-parenting with them.  Those without children mostly don't expect to still be so.   I believe we all to some degree nurture the happy-ever-after dream, and plan to, learn to, become one half of the whole.

My observation of almost all I know who are uncoupled is that they have not only had to learn how to live as a single person, but they have also had to unlearn how to live in a partnership.

It's hard sometimes, having to make decisions alone.  It's hard being the sole income earner.  It's sometimes unbearable returned to the dating game.  It's a long tough road being a single parent.

Yes there are some payoffs. If that's the right word.  Maybe no longer being at the mercy of an abusive partner, or being stuck in an unhealthy relationship.  There's the sometimes pleasure of meeting new people.  The break time that many sole parents get when the children are away for a weekend. Sometimes, the opportunity to pursue a dream that before would have been out of reach.  The world can even feel full of possibility.

And when you're on the good side of this, it is easy for others to look in and think you've got things sorted.   Like you're ''over'' your previously coupled/familied life.   Like you have packed your baggage and stowed it neatly.

I'd like to suggest that it is more about re navigating.  No, it's not what you anticipated life would be like...but there's no changing it now...and so you learn to do some of the same things in a different way, and some different things that will mean you will never be the same.

Sometimes it's one day at a time.  Others life is a whirlwind of change and activity and excitement.  Occasionally it feels like it would be easier to go back, and other times you are just so glad what ever was, is no more.

It's simply a new way of normal.

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