Friday, 13 April 2012

choice, choosing and chosen

Last night I went to see Marigold Hotel.  It was an absolutely brilliant movie, with amazing scenery and music, a formidable cast - and it was absolutely packed with hilarious one-liners.

I found myself wishing for a pen and paper to write them down on more than one occasion - but one line in particular really stood out for me.  The character, Madge, is a woman in her late 50's who is reflecting on her single state.  She is asked if she has a husband and responds with ''No. single by choice. Just not my choice''

I love that line.  I was sitting with a group of 6 women, none of whom are single by choice either. In fact I'd be surprised if there were many people out there who actually are.  Sure there's single for a season, single for a reason.  But my belief is that most of us would desire to be part of a unit.

The challenge lies in being open to that opportunity, without appearing - acting - like you are desperate to close the deal.  For some that means casually dating, for others it's a mad fling, for others it means staying firmly in the ''no thankyou'' zone.  It's challenging and sometimes quite daunting, especially when society pushes it's expectations of couplehood upon the unpartnered.

I have a close friend going through this at the moment.  Having recently come out of a relationship she is feeling the pain of the demise - doing the usual ''what if'' retrospects, and having to deal with the reality of being single again.  She is young and smart and beautiful and has no trouble attracting men.  The question is, does she welcome that attention or simply learn to BE as a single for as long as it takes to be ready to take the plunge again.

Single by choice?  Probably not.  Someone Else's choice - yes often.  But even if the choice is made for you, surely there is room to choose to sit with that choice, even if you're not ready to embrace it fully.

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