Tuesday, 15 May 2012

just in case space

One of the perils of the world of modern dating is that there is just so much darn choice.  I mean, go on to any dating site and there will be, at first glance, at least a dozen people who appear to be perfect for you.
So after the first date, it's easy to think there might be one just a little better next time. And so on. and so on.

And then there's all the terrific people your friends want to introduce you to - especially the coupled friends, who just want to see you happy and settled.  Seriously, if they are real friends they WILL be introducing you to terrific people.

And so, through a process of elimination (and the odd excruciatingly awkward date) you might be lucky enough to meet some people you want to get to know better.

And herein lies the rub.  What to do!?  Date several casually?  Pick the best proposition and let the others down gently?  Be open about the fact that your date of the day is one of a handful you are currently managing?  Decide which would make awesome friends and move them to that category straight away?

A word from the world weary and wise:  never, ever ever (did i mention EVER) think that it's OK to keep someone in a holding pattern.  Women in particular simply don't hear the words.  Especially if they like you - and most likely they like you more than you like them or they wouldn't be on hold.  For goodness sake make a decision. As I said in my blog yesterday, I do believe it's not necessarily easy to BE IN a relationship, but it's a fairly simply process to decide if you WANT to be.  So if you meet someone and it's a 'maybe one day'', cut them loose.  Dont give them the ''lets be friends'' line.  It's like saying, i'll keep you around just in case I change my mind.  The ones who feel the same will suggest friends if they need more friends (and most people don';t to be honest), and the ones who like you more than that will agree eagerly in vain hope of a status change.  If you're not sure, be honest, but MOVE ON and give them some space.   If it's going to be, it will happen one day anyway.

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