I waver on being almost impressed by the audacity of so many 40-something men out there in dating land who think it is perfectly acceptable to offer casual sex, an FWB arrangement, or a no-strings hookup (same thing I guess) in lieu of a real relationship.
Most of the women I know who are brave enough to be out there dating are NOT looking for casual. They may not be seeking a full-on 'relationship'' but they are certainly not wanting to settle for zero-commitment either. And yet I keep hearing the story over and over. The man either
- isn't ready for a relationship
- isn't sure of his feelings
- thinks she's a great girl but isn't sure he can be what she wants him to be
- would really love some more female friends
or some other reason which, regardless of their intention of these words, are interpreted by the girls as:
I'll have sex with you but I don't want to be your boyfriend.
Now, I'm not judging these guys, because after all, if that's what they want, then no amount of campaigning by said women is going to change their style. But I have a question for them - several in fact....
- what is your motivation here? do you really just want casual hookups?
- do women give a particular vibe that says they might be ok with such a proposal or are you just trying it on anyway?
- has this ever had any success for you?
And women - have you ever delivered the same message? what happened?