Today marks 90 days since the most amazing person came into my life. It was a fluke, if you're a skeptic, and the result of an amazing course of events set in motion long ago, if you're not.
There's been some pretty big highs and lows already - nothing normal and yet all things one might expect in the ebbs and flows of life. Re partnering so far has been easy, with the waves of effect of others seemingly whirling about us with a minimum of hard impact.
Its a romanticised view, some would say, and so early in the piece, rather unrealistic to be considering this as a smooth and easy path. There's some truth to that, but I stay true to my belief that the essence of a relationship should be easy even if the details of life are not (more about that here).
Which on occasion makes it all the more difficult not to rush headlong and tip the world on its side, just because it seems like the most logical path - and the most desirable.
There's days and days ahead that will require negotiation and planning, and plenty more that (I hope) will unfold easily and naturally. Today, I'm reminding myself that its time to be patient.
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
relationship fallacies part one: it's too hard
I've certainly been given my share of excuses as to why someone didn't want a relationship with me, and I've blogged about that on a number of occasions.
I'm the first to agree that it can be scary getting into something new.
Past baggage sure can get in the way and throw itself off the luggage rack at the most inopportune moments! The things that are button pushers for one may not even be a consideration for the other. The expectations of one might be quite different to the other. The energy levels, degree of commitment, extraneous life issues, all could potentially causeproblems challenges.
But here's the thing:
What if, instead of saying ''it's all too hard to be in a relationship with you'' we could simply do it anyway, and worry about that stuff once you're there?
Absolutely have a plan (a strategy and a preferred outcome!), but I think much like taking on an employee, or starting a business, or trying a new hobby - it starts with the will to make it happen and the belief that ultimately, it is a good decision.
My argument here is that BEING in a relationship - whether it's a romantic one, a friendship, a work partnership - probably is hard. All the things up there will apply at some point or another. But GETTING into a relationship shouldn't be. Simply put, you either want it, or you don't. Working on the theory that you do (that you are assuming success, however that might look down the track), gives both people the freedom to be themselves, and spend their energy on finding solutions and outcomes, rather than focusing on the obstacles and potential failure points.
So it follows then, to me anyway, that the person who says ''I don't want to be in a relationship'' probably means with you, because if you want it, you make it happen and then worry about the detail later.
True? False? Idealistic?
I'm the first to agree that it can be scary getting into something new.
Past baggage sure can get in the way and throw itself off the luggage rack at the most inopportune moments! The things that are button pushers for one may not even be a consideration for the other. The expectations of one might be quite different to the other. The energy levels, degree of commitment, extraneous life issues, all could potentially cause
But here's the thing:
What if, instead of saying ''it's all too hard to be in a relationship with you'' we could simply do it anyway, and worry about that stuff once you're there?
Absolutely have a plan (a strategy and a preferred outcome!), but I think much like taking on an employee, or starting a business, or trying a new hobby - it starts with the will to make it happen and the belief that ultimately, it is a good decision.
My argument here is that BEING in a relationship - whether it's a romantic one, a friendship, a work partnership - probably is hard. All the things up there will apply at some point or another. But GETTING into a relationship shouldn't be. Simply put, you either want it, or you don't. Working on the theory that you do (that you are assuming success, however that might look down the track), gives both people the freedom to be themselves, and spend their energy on finding solutions and outcomes, rather than focusing on the obstacles and potential failure points.
So it follows then, to me anyway, that the person who says ''I don't want to be in a relationship'' probably means with you, because if you want it, you make it happen and then worry about the detail later.
True? False? Idealistic?
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