Monday, 10 October 2011

stop looking

Don't you love how this is advice is nearly always handed out by the coupled?  They say ''if you stop looking you'll meet someone great".

Well that's terrific advice. THANK you coupled people for sharing your wisdom:(
I nod and smile each time I hear it, and wonder if they met their someone great by not looking?

Why do people say that?  And why is the assumption made that all single people are trying to hunt down a new partner?  It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if you're single and you're friends are too, that there's a chance that some of them will couple up? And it's logical that single people are probably not going to make a habit of just hanging out with couples - even if they are happily single.

I meet a lot of single people in my work and social life.  Some of whom are open to meeting a partner and some who are not.  Some I am interested in getting to know better, some I am not.  Some who seem to be interested in me, and most who don't.  (usually the ones who like me are in the category of ones I'm not excited about getting  to know better but that's another story...).

Does that mean I am looking?  Well, only by default.   I am not actively dating.  I'm not on any online dating sites.  I'm not handing out my relationship CV for appraisal.  Sure, I'm open to the idea of meeting potential partners, but I'm putting my energy right now into making  new friends.

Maybe if it's the right person I might be keen on seeing where that may lead.     But I am not analysing every single man that crosses my path that's for sure. I figure that means I'm not really looking.


  1. Trying to imagine what a relationship CV would read like.....when I was biggest hate was turning up to a dinner and finding myself sitting next to "the latest selected chosen male"

  2. I hate it when coupled friends say that. They always add twee comments like "I wasn't looking and look at me now..." Pass the bucket (and/or heavy object to hit them over the head)

    Although I'm open to a relationship, I'm not actively seeking one. Does this mean I'm looking or not? Does dressing up for a night out mean you're looking? Does talking to men mean you're looking?

    And then of course, we all know when you're not looking for something you'll find it. So do we say we're not looking for love because we know that we'll get it. And then does that mean we're actually looking for it?

    It's a minefield.

  3. i can only assume that the best course of action is to look, and look everywhere. go out looking a million bucks, even to the letter box. encourage your friends to set you up on as many dates as possible. chat up every likely guy you come across. that way you'll come over as so scary everyone will leave you alon...