goalsetting and the single girl

I was asked an interesting question yesterday:
If your life was a business, what are your KPI's?
I know what my response was but I'm asking you - is this easy to answer in the first instance? For most of us its things like a stable family, a nice house, a good career, great friends, some interesting things to do in my spare time, good health.
In fact you could probably argue that the only KPI not being met (and I'm assuming that because you're reading the blog of a single person) is that you're not dating, or  in a relationship. Which in the scale of things might seem rather selfish and unimportant.
Except that, just like in a business, if you're meeting - no, exceeding, most of your KPI's then the one that seems to be the most important , or at least the one that gets the most attention, is the one that isn't being met. 
Right now I'll re-iterate my belief:  humans are made to be connected.  Single might be for a season, but I truly believe that we are designed to be in partnership.  And so i make no apologies in stating that being in a relationship is a ''KPI'' for most of the singles I know - even if they aren't admitting it out loud.

And then the next question came:
and so what can someone do to make that target then?
Well, that left me a bit nonplussed.  I seriously don't think many of us can do much more.  Or much differently.  think of all the things that every other dating book website and blog, and happily coupled friend tells us we should do - to focus on being a better person, rather than with the goal of finding a relationship.  I completely agree with that.  They tell me I should go where I can meet new people, that I should keep learning and reading, remind me I should put effort into my appearance, health and fitness.  Primarily because these things make me a better person, but there are occasionally hidden bonuses:).  I'm told that if I'm ever asked out, I should go, willingly and with an open mind.  I'm cautioned and reminded not to date to ''type''.

I listen to some of that advice,  I even act on some of it.   And so on and  so on.  And I am the first to agree that the uncoupled should be doing this stuff.  Even if you're happy being single.

But as far as i can tell, the reality is, that no matter how much you DO, no matter how open you are to opportunity, and no matter how focused you are on achieving an outcome, this is one KPI that owes at least half of its outcome to other stakeholders.

I think it's probably a good idea to be clear with the stakeholders about your goals - and what your expectations are of them.   But it might mean accepting that this particular KPI might take rather longer to achieve - and that it's likely to be on someone Else's time frame.

stop looking

Don't you love how this is advice is nearly always handed out by the coupled?  They say ''if you stop looking you'll meet someone great".

Well that's terrific advice. THANK you coupled people for sharing your wisdom:(
I nod and smile each time I hear it, and wonder if they met their someone great by not looking?

Why do people say that?  And why is the assumption made that all single people are trying to hunt down a new partner?  It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if you're single and you're friends are too, that there's a chance that some of them will couple up? And it's logical that single people are probably not going to make a habit of just hanging out with couples - even if they are happily single.

I meet a lot of single people in my work and social life.  Some of whom are open to meeting a partner and some who are not.  Some I am interested in getting to know better, some I am not.  Some who seem to be interested in me, and most who don't.  (usually the ones who like me are in the category of ones I'm not excited about getting  to know better but that's another story...).

Does that mean I am looking?  Well, only by default.   I am not actively dating.  I'm not on any online dating sites.  I'm not handing out my relationship CV for appraisal.  Sure, I'm open to the idea of meeting potential partners, but I'm putting my energy right now into making  new friends.

Maybe if it's the right person I might be keen on seeing where that may lead.     But I am not analysing every single man that crosses my path that's for sure. I figure that means I'm not really looking.