Ah singledom you're a slippery slope alright.
Had cause to have a discussion with a long singled friend recently who has got right in the swing of ''what you like when you like''. No partner asking when you're home for dinner. No kids demanding attention at 5 pm. Weekends are long and uneventful, or busy and exciting, depending on...well nothing really. Money - all for one. Fridge contents - whatever the heck I want, thank you very much!
I wonder if the novelty ever wears off. Does it get more difficult to compromise for a significant other, the longer you don't have one? Does the ability to share eventually disappear?
I am the first to admit that it is, on one horribly selfish level, sometimes easier to live alone. (Or with children as I do). There isn't someone to have to share decisions with, negotiate chores with, or cook for. On the other hand, there's no one to share decisions with, negotiate chores with, or cook for. I've got in the groove of it (5 years now) but it life still feels a bit off-balance. Even doing it part time is not the same as a permanent in my house partner.
I'm under no illusions, should and when the time comes, there's adjusting to do. I'm a little scared of it, but mostly see it as exciting and forward thinking. Ultimately, I'm with my original statement from one of my very first posts - that we human doings are not designed to be alone.
So how about the person who is? Is singledom, for some, a conscious choice, a move toward the act of total non-compromise? Does it become more, or less, attractive, the longer you are in it?
Your thoughts?
Showing posts with label benefits of being single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label benefits of being single. Show all posts
the tangled web we weave
Last night I spent a few hours with some awesome people. None of them knew each other - but all were my friends. All single, or very recently re-coupled. As it often does, the conversation turned to the perils and pitfalls of relationships.
There was much spirited conversation and lots of excellent advice given and received.
When I got home I reflected on each of these people. All have extraordinary stories. In fact, put together, if I wrote a book, no one would be believe it could be real. Especially people whose lives are all connected - ah the 6 degrees of separation is alive and well in this town! (Don't worry people I won't ACTUALLY write it....)
The conclusion we came to was this:
The older we get, the more complicated our lives get. The harder it is to re partner. The more cynical we become, the choosier we are.
But also, with each narrow escape, each minor cut and abrasion - and occasional serious wound - to our hearts, the more we know ourselves. The wiser we become - even if we don't follow our own advice.
We all believe it is not the natural order for man (or woman...) to be alone, and that eventually, one day, we will be happily re-coupled and part of a winning team.
In the meantime, we need to spend time with like minded people. Who understand where we are in life. Who won't tell us to ''stop looking''. Who also understand that we make mistakes. Who have made plenty of their own. Who can help us laugh at the crazy things we've done on this mad rather potholed-road to partnering. Who help us celebrate the moments of happy, and console us in the moments of sad.
In a world where everyone else seems to be part of a family or a couple, it is just wonderful to spend time with those who are like me.
Here's to the good stuff about singledom:)
There was much spirited conversation and lots of excellent advice given and received.
When I got home I reflected on each of these people. All have extraordinary stories. In fact, put together, if I wrote a book, no one would be believe it could be real. Especially people whose lives are all connected - ah the 6 degrees of separation is alive and well in this town! (Don't worry people I won't ACTUALLY write it....)
The conclusion we came to was this:
The older we get, the more complicated our lives get. The harder it is to re partner. The more cynical we become, the choosier we are.
But also, with each narrow escape, each minor cut and abrasion - and occasional serious wound - to our hearts, the more we know ourselves. The wiser we become - even if we don't follow our own advice.
We all believe it is not the natural order for man (or woman...) to be alone, and that eventually, one day, we will be happily re-coupled and part of a winning team.
In the meantime, we need to spend time with like minded people. Who understand where we are in life. Who won't tell us to ''stop looking''. Who also understand that we make mistakes. Who have made plenty of their own. Who can help us laugh at the crazy things we've done on this mad rather potholed-road to partnering. Who help us celebrate the moments of happy, and console us in the moments of sad.
In a world where everyone else seems to be part of a family or a couple, it is just wonderful to spend time with those who are like me.
Here's to the good stuff about singledom:)
you know you're single when....
...you make packet macaroni cheese and eat the whole lot, on your own, in one sitting
...the song playing on the stereo is always your favourite
...you end up throwing out milk and bread because you didn't use it up by use-by date
...you can open a block of chocolate and know that none will ever be missing unless you eat it yourself
...there's always enough hot water for a shower that lasts as long as you want it to
...one side of the bed never gets mussed up
...everyone tells you how LUCKY you are not to have to share your bed/TV/chocolate/life with someone else but you don't think it's necessarily lucky at all
...the house is always just the right temperature and the lights just the right wattage
...you make a list of people to invite to a party and realise that the reason there's an odd number of guests is because you're there
...you're never quite sure if you're bum actually does look big in that...
...the song playing on the stereo is always your favourite
...you end up throwing out milk and bread because you didn't use it up by use-by date
...you can open a block of chocolate and know that none will ever be missing unless you eat it yourself
...there's always enough hot water for a shower that lasts as long as you want it to
...one side of the bed never gets mussed up
...everyone tells you how LUCKY you are not to have to share your bed/TV/chocolate/life with someone else but you don't think it's necessarily lucky at all
...the house is always just the right temperature and the lights just the right wattage
...you make a list of people to invite to a party and realise that the reason there's an odd number of guests is because you're there
...you're never quite sure if you're bum actually does look big in that...
find just one single benefit
"The autonomy of singledom is attractive, or is that just what we tell ourselves to make it more bearable?"
So started the response to a previous post I made. Which got me to thinking...is it true?
I'm not sure that I would go so far to say that being single is unbearable. But I do think that there are times when it can begin to feel that way. It's really easy to wax lyrical about the sad side effects of being single and even easier to get quite proficient at rattling off a list of all the wonderful benefits...
- there's no one to answer to
- my money is my own
- my space is my own
- my decisions are my own
- I can parent as I choose
- I can live where i want etc . etc. etc.
But, following the theory that says "more than one reason is simply self-justification for a decision"(actually that's my theory but doesn't it sound great!)...it is beginning to sound blatently obvious to me that if we were really truly really happy about being single we wouldn't be trotting out 101 reasons why it's so fabulous, we'd just be getting on with it.
Probably not a whole lot different to the miserably-coupled who spend all their energy on justifying why they stay in a crap relationship.
Today, as I sent out invitations to a circle of friends, to arrange a grown-ups only dinner party, I realised that it was looking like being all couples. And me. At these moments being the single one is bearable, but only just. And frankly, I'll be seriously considering finding a date for the night as 11 people at a dinner party just isn't right. I've done the Bridget Jones thing before and it ain't pretty! None of friends give a hoot, it's me that doesn't want to be the only single in that particular couples world It's like a patent reminder of what might have been. Ick.
Overall though, I think when you're content, truly content, with your state - be it singled, coupled, half way there, half way back...then you can just live in that and enjoy it, without having to continue to make lists of all the reasons why it is (or isn't) such a great place to be.
So started the response to a previous post I made. Which got me to thinking...is it true?
I'm not sure that I would go so far to say that being single is unbearable. But I do think that there are times when it can begin to feel that way. It's really easy to wax lyrical about the sad side effects of being single and even easier to get quite proficient at rattling off a list of all the wonderful benefits...
- there's no one to answer to
- my money is my own
- my space is my own
- my decisions are my own
- I can parent as I choose
- I can live where i want etc . etc. etc.
But, following the theory that says "more than one reason is simply self-justification for a decision"(actually that's my theory but doesn't it sound great!)...it is beginning to sound blatently obvious to me that if we were really truly really happy about being single we wouldn't be trotting out 101 reasons why it's so fabulous, we'd just be getting on with it.
Probably not a whole lot different to the miserably-coupled who spend all their energy on justifying why they stay in a crap relationship.
Today, as I sent out invitations to a circle of friends, to arrange a grown-ups only dinner party, I realised that it was looking like being all couples. And me. At these moments being the single one is bearable, but only just. And frankly, I'll be seriously considering finding a date for the night as 11 people at a dinner party just isn't right. I've done the Bridget Jones thing before and it ain't pretty! None of friends give a hoot, it's me that doesn't want to be the only single in that particular couples world It's like a patent reminder of what might have been. Ick.
Overall though, I think when you're content, truly content, with your state - be it singled, coupled, half way there, half way back...then you can just live in that and enjoy it, without having to continue to make lists of all the reasons why it is (or isn't) such a great place to be.
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