I reached the milestone of 1000 blog views this week...without even realising it - because after six months of frequent and regular blogging I have had - in case you hadn't noticed! - a bit of a break.
Life has been exceptionally busy over the past month, on all fronts, and blogging just didn't register on the bell curve of important/urgent. But now I'm back, a little worse for wear, but back none the less.
As well as the usual end of term/end of year/start of job madness I helped a friend through a messy and painful breakup, and saw that same friend re partner and get on even keel again. I commiserated, sympathised, celebrated...even felt a little grief for myself in there (yeah it's selfish but hey I'm allowed...). I listened to another deliberate on the pros and cons of a 'second go'. I cried with another as she faced up to a painful ending.
And in the midst and on the edges of this mad month, I had a kind of ''four seasons in one day'' experience of my own. I am still sad and a bit confused about just what happened...what worked and what didn't, and why it isn't still working...but the benefit of being frantically busy is keeping my mind occupied. I know that it's a luxury - one day, very soon I will have to process the mess of feelings that are currently whipping around inside my head.
Showing posts with label hurt feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt feelings. Show all posts
fighting fires that aren't even sparks
I learnt yesterday that I had upset someone. A male someone. It was completely unintentional and in fact I didn't even know that the thing that upset him would have even registered with him.
My first reaction was to fight the fire. I hardly know this guy but I immediately began thinking of how I might be able to contact him and maybe assuage the hurt a little.
I'm good at that. Trying to make amends. Soothing furrowed brows. Pouring oil on troubled waters. Fighting fires.
The rational side of my brain kicked in - excuse me, miss unity addict! I think it's called overcompensating, and being a rescuer.
Women seem to be particularly good at this stuff. We over analyse. We put in too much emotion. We don't want to UPSET anyone. We don't want to cause any HURT. We want to save the world and protect other people from pain, no matter how small, no matter how ill-perceived.
And so I rationalised a little more. I didn't know I had upset anyone. I hadn't done it deliberately. It was an action not a word so there wasn't even any interaction with this person. Ergo, they were assuming that the way I behaved was for their benefit or not. Honestly, what was I thinking that I felt the need to even get into it!
I let it go.
My first reaction was to fight the fire. I hardly know this guy but I immediately began thinking of how I might be able to contact him and maybe assuage the hurt a little.
I'm good at that. Trying to make amends. Soothing furrowed brows. Pouring oil on troubled waters. Fighting fires.
The rational side of my brain kicked in - excuse me, miss unity addict! I think it's called overcompensating, and being a rescuer.
Women seem to be particularly good at this stuff. We over analyse. We put in too much emotion. We don't want to UPSET anyone. We don't want to cause any HURT. We want to save the world and protect other people from pain, no matter how small, no matter how ill-perceived.
And so I rationalised a little more. I didn't know I had upset anyone. I hadn't done it deliberately. It was an action not a word so there wasn't even any interaction with this person. Ergo, they were assuming that the way I behaved was for their benefit or not. Honestly, what was I thinking that I felt the need to even get into it!
I let it go.
just forget about it!
Got to love that particular bit of advice.
It's usually directed at the poor girl (or guy) who has learned that the object of her affection is not reciprocating feelings. It might have been a secret crush, or it might have been a happening thing.
The bruised-hearted laments to a friend, hoping for sympathy. The friend, often a smug-coupled, offers one of these pearls of wisdom:
oh, you just need to forget about him!
you are so much better than her!
clearly he doesn't know what he's missing out on!
there's plenty more fish in the sea!
or even...
him? really? oh have I told you about my friend....SO much more suited to you...
Alas, part of the process of discovering who we are, learning to enjoy the excitement of meeting new people no matter where it goes, and continuing to embrace life, regardless of our single/coupled state, means a few false starts along the way.
If only it were that easy - I would love to be able to (at times) turn my feelings on and off at will. How much simpler life would be. No more wondering and waiting, no more broken hearts and hurt feelings. Certainly no more having to bemoan another false starter.
Sympathy can be a good thing, sometimes. It's nice to hear that it was simply a misguided, nay erroneous decision that led to our fabulousness being overlooked by said potential beau. It awesome that our friends are there, as we are for them, to listen to our tales of woe, and give good strokes and encouragement.
But sometimes, all I need to hear is...'gee that really sucks...and one day it won't''
It's usually directed at the poor girl (or guy) who has learned that the object of her affection is not reciprocating feelings. It might have been a secret crush, or it might have been a happening thing.
The bruised-hearted laments to a friend, hoping for sympathy. The friend, often a smug-coupled, offers one of these pearls of wisdom:
oh, you just need to forget about him!
you are so much better than her!
clearly he doesn't know what he's missing out on!
there's plenty more fish in the sea!
or even...
him? really? oh have I told you about my friend....SO much more suited to you...
Alas, part of the process of discovering who we are, learning to enjoy the excitement of meeting new people no matter where it goes, and continuing to embrace life, regardless of our single/coupled state, means a few false starts along the way.
If only it were that easy - I would love to be able to (at times) turn my feelings on and off at will. How much simpler life would be. No more wondering and waiting, no more broken hearts and hurt feelings. Certainly no more having to bemoan another false starter.
Sympathy can be a good thing, sometimes. It's nice to hear that it was simply a misguided, nay erroneous decision that led to our fabulousness being overlooked by said potential beau. It awesome that our friends are there, as we are for them, to listen to our tales of woe, and give good strokes and encouragement.
But sometimes, all I need to hear is...'gee that really sucks...and one day it won't''
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